I haven't done this since my now 2 and half year old was born. Oh, how things change. I now have yet a third daughter who is 10 months old. Still married to Chris, by the grace of God alone. Still having issues that I have had since, well since I've had issues, ok.

I saw a list that I had started in the my profile on this site. It was entitled 100 things about me. Of course it was unfinished and what was there was not even accurate anymore.....

Let's try again:

1. I'm a mom
2. I look forward to Christmas
3. I don't pray enough
4. Sad about 2012 and what it will bring
5. I like vegetables
6. I started couponing
7. I worry about things I can't control
8. I miss 2003
9. My mom is losing her mind
10. and so is my husband's mom
11. My stepsis uses coke
12. I really don't trust people
13. Don't feel the need to prove myself and fit into any particular description any longer
14. I just want to be quiet
15. I just want some time alone
16. There are some parts of me that are never going away
17. Chocolate cupcakes
18. chocolate in general
19. A Song of Ice and Fire
20. Some people are haunted by...

I still don't want to finish.
It's incomplete
I;m incomplete

I'm so behind. After a long, miserable pregnancy I delivered 8 days ago. I went to the hospital at around 4 in the morning not knowing for sure if i was in true labor. the nurses seemed to think i was not. So when the day shift came on, they contacted my attending who ordered that i walk for thirty minutes. When I arrived that morning I was dilated to about two and half cm. After the walk I was at three and a half. So of course they kept me and started my fluids. I labored a few hours after that then received my pitocin. I think now they should have let me dilate a bit further before giving me the pit. Anyway, my doctor came in to check on me at some point and said the baby was up high. no big deal. around 8 that night i had fully dilated and I tried pushing several times. every time i pushed no matter far down the baby came, she would go right up to station 0 before my next contraction. she was also sunny side up and that is not the birthing position. so i had to have a c section. I was terrified and crying and shaking, but i trust my doctor and have a wonderful husband who never left my side. my little angel was delivered at 9:41 pm. I had to wait too long to get to hold her, but they did bring her to my surgery table and i got to kiss her pretty head. I am now the mother of two beautiful daughters. My oldest is 10 so it's like starting from scratch. I have to say, the pain was well worth it. My little baby is so sweet and beautiful. She is a gift from God of which I am not worthy.

im going to therapy today. thank God. i really need it. im perfectly crazy, you know? so chris and his roommate got live chickens for their friends for christmas. this is hilarious to me. yesterday chris and i got into a little tif and to fix it i started playing...he has two choices: get up to play and drink wine with me or im letting the chickens go in your room. now he has a kitty cat that would not love chickens, ok? he played all cool, but i know he was worried that my crazy ass would really set them free. gotta go for now

the other night i could have sworn he was texting at 4 or 5 am. he works those hrs so surely he has friends up at that time. still, if it a regular occurance i dont feel comfortable. last night when i was in and out of it while trying to get to sleep. it was maybe 1 or a little later i saw him playing with his phone. i asked what he was doing with his phone, he said "setting an alarm" then closed the phone. i dont know how much time had gone by nor do i know if knew my eyes were open. too much time had gone by for him to still be setting his alarm. i dont know how i can make this clear. it's fuzzy to me......so i saw him actually in the alarm setting of his phone, then he turned over. the light from his phone was on for another 2 or 3 minutes. i felt horrible. my heart sank. i dont know if i am just in thinking i should be concerned. i dont trust anyone, esp. men.

the christmas party with the dr.'s office was a hit. free delicious food and beverages a-plenty. the two and half hr drive there was fun. i read aloud I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell to chris and his bro. it is a plethura of offensive tales written by said....tucker max or mx tucker, whatever. he's hilarious and all the while detestable. either way, good for entertainment on a long drive.

sat....mom, chris, and i drove another nearly 4 hrs out of state to look at a chapel. it was astonishing. the grounds were gorgeous even for the dreary day it was. the chapel comprised mostly of glass. i want to marry chris. in spite of myself, im in love with him. there are things i am not fond of, but that will be the case for anyone, i know. he is beautiful in so many ways. he is the most forgiving person i know. i adore him.

we went to see i am legend yesterday. great job saving the world again there will smith. it was great. there were a few questions left but only for minds like mine and chris'. there is hardly anything we dont question....

bath time.